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Why she married a Black man

Posted by Sidney, 18 May

"As most of you know, my husband Al is black. Actually I hate that word, but I'm going to use it this one time so just in case you're new here, you'll understand exactly what I mean. But Al's actually just a human being, like me, who happens to have brown skin. We have two human children who happen to have skin closer to the color of mine. Around here, on the rare occasion that our skin comes up at all, which probably isn't any more often than it does in your family, we talk about pink skin and brown skin. I'd toss out the currently-trendy, 'In my family, we don't see color,' but I just think that's dumb. Of course we see color. We see color for exactly what it is: The qualities of light reflected off of things, or in this case, people."

That's Megan Cobbs. And she doesn't deny that she noticed her husband's brown skin when they first met. "After that, he was just Al," she says.

Megan and Al met when they were working together and she fell in love. But when she asked her friend whether it was a good idea to date him, her friend automatically assumed she was talking about his skin color while all the while, she was referring to the fact that they were co-workers. And her friend's reply was: "I couldn't do it, but if you can, I think it'll be great."

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Below are her reasons for marrying Al, her husband of 10 years:

She found the best man for her: Megan married Al not because she couldn't get a white man. And much as Al was the first Black man she had ever dated, she had never dated Black men before because no other Black man ever asked her out. She wasn't out to find a white man and couldn't get one so she decided to settle. She was looking for the best man for her, and she found that best man in Al.

Al is an equal partner: Megan says got the far better end of the deal marrying him because she was looking for an equal partner who wouldn't try to dominate her; nor her him. "It's not that I've been a controlling monster in any of my relationships, it's just that I'd never been with a man who had Al's quiet strength or instinct and ability to lead. His leadership lets me relax a bit, and I like relaxing," she says.

Al is the most romantic man she ever dated: Not because he is black... because he just is romantic. She believes he is the way he is because he is just mature and has greater comfort level with expressing his feelings in words and actions. Al just likes making people feel special and important. "I'd seen this quality in him, one that made him stand out among everyone I knew, male or female, black, white or otherwise, long before romance entered the picture. I love Al's romantic side."

They got married in a quest for peace, not conflict: People have the notion that White women marry men of other races to rebel against their family. They are lovers not fighters. But speaking honestly, Megan says: "I can't deny that I value the message my family sends to people who see us and know us about progress and equality, love and acceptance. And I pray that Al and I and other couples like us just showing up, bold and together, in this generation, will bring more and more freedom to our kids and their kids to espouse wide-open views of what love and commitment can look like for them."

In conclusion, she says:

"So why DID I marry a black guy? I'm afraid this may be a bit of a yawner because it sounds so much like anyone else's marriage story. My initial attraction for Al came from our easy friendship, his amazing listening skills, the way he made me laugh (he's the funniest person I've ever met) and our shared faith. I married him because we loved, trusted, respected and easily understood one another on an honest, open, totally-vulnerable level. We could see a clear way to use our natural gifts to support and serve one another in healthy, affirming ways. It's that simple. I married Al for the similar reasons a white girl marries a white guy or a black girl marries a black guy or a green toad marries a purple hedgehog. Because he's awesome, he loves me back, and I want him right here beside me forever."

To read more about the myths she dispelled on why White women marry Black men, read her article on FriedOkra. Below: Megan and Al

5 responses to "Why she married a Black man"

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Druuna says:

Posted: 16 Aug 15

So nice to read this because I think its so bad we catergorize people, people are people full stop & if you are attracted to them for whatever reason you feel for that's great, no need to make black & white "Boxes!"

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- mastapc says:
  
  Posted: 08 Oct 15
  
  nice I even fall for u guys coz you are so real open minded I love that openness that's were most of black women missed it. you motive me now I can see it is possible
  
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Lukhele says:

Posted: 15 Aug 15

She was right to marry one she loves? Loves comes first and colour has no place here. Thank you.

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K-win says:

Posted: 10 Aug 15

This is a beautiful article. Minus a dislike, my finger went for the green like but my cell phone screen was too small and finger added a dislike.

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mstoyatravis says:

Posted: 27 Jun 15

Beautiful story and great people.

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