My girlfriend has racist beliefs against me

Posted by Sidney, 20 Jul 17

Can a relationship survive racist beliefs?

There is this assumption that people in interracial relationships don’t and can’t harbor racist beliefs. It's unimaginable if you think about it. I mean, if someone is open to dating outside their race, how can they be racist?

Well, sadly, I am here to bust your bubble today. Believe it or not, my black girlfriend makes some racist jokes and remarks that leave my eyes popping.

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Now what’s even worse is that the jokes aren’t directed to other people. (Well, I don’t mean to say it would have made her racist remarks excusable). She makes racist white jokes directed to me in particular.

At first, I thought it was just a remark. She made a remark insinuating that the I probably got my job simply because I am white and that it probably had nothing to do with me having qualified for it. She even went to an extent of telling me that maybe some Black guy was victimized for me to get that job.

Well, I was taken aback. Her kind of thinking threw me off. Can black people be racist? That was the last thing I expected. I tried talking to her about it. Her explanation was that she had seen over and over again, white men being offered opportunities, not on merit. Firstly, this woman is hot. And we click on so many levels. And for some reason, I tried to convince myself that she probably made that comment based on what she had been through in life. I explained to her that she should not make such generalizations as that’s racist.

She started watching what she was saying. And even when she forgot and made some white joke, I took no offense since, well, it’s only a joke. Things escalated during the Trump campaigns. When Trump said something, we would get into fights. You would think I made those remarks myself. I started wondering why she was dating me if she feels that strongly about white people. To her, everything is handed to us on a silver platter. Much as I have never thought race should matter in a relationship, she made me rethink my position.

She would shout when Trump was on TV: “Shut up you idiot. Making so much noise and the way white men are basically d**k-less.” I was left wondering: Do I even satisfy her in bed? Sometimes she would insinuate that I am with her because I just want to relive the master-slave days of my fore fathers.

Am I the one to blame?

i hate you heart

From the look of things, this woman has serious racial stereotypes. I don’t know if it’s because she grew up in a racist household or what. Who would have thought black people are racist? Does she even realize just how racist she is? I'm beginning to wonder if being with her is a huge mistake. I am beginning to wonder why she is dating me when she's so against everything white. I know everyone's a little bit racist. But hers is way beyond little.

She keeps parroting anti-white stuff. And it's even worse when she is with her black friends. It's like they are singing the same tune. And this makes me a bit uncomfortable. I can choose a restaurant and she will say: It's too white. So we only go to places she approves of; places she feels are “black enough”. It has reached a point I am asking myself “What kind of spell does this woman have on me? Why am I still in this relationship? Should I give her an ultimatum; to change or I leave her?”

To be honest, I really like this woman. Initially, I excused her racism to be subconscious. I excused her racist jokes; all the while telling myself that black people can’t be racist. Now, more than ever, this racism of hers is getting to me. And it’s becoming a deal breaker.

My girlfriend is not willing to face her own racism. She expects me to understand her struggles while she makes me feel like being white is a sin I am constantly committing. I don’t know what to do. Do I dump her? Can she reform? How do I get her to acknowledge that she is racist and harbors racist beliefs?

7 responses to "My girlfriend has racist beliefs against me"

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  1.   Ms..Lou says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 17

    My advice to you is this: 1. Don't judge all black ppl based off of the behavior and actions of the woman you're involved with (we are not all the same) 2. If you've advised her that her comments are hurtful to you and she continues, then respectfully back away. 3. IF she says that she cares for you but won't curtail her behavior (because of how it affects you) then sadly, she cares more about her beliefs than you. 4. You seem to be a decent man, regardless of your race and you deserve someone in your life that will show you the same courtesy that you show them. Period. 5. Don't settle for less. 6. RESPECT. It should be prevalent in all relationships. Be it platonic, a co-worker, friend, family, lover or life partner. Without respect, you have nothing. A relationship should not be one-sided.It will NEVER work unless both ppl are making equal efforts and moving together in the same direction. Oh and just a side note, should you discontinue the relationship she WILL scream racism for your decision and suggest that you're the racist! So be prepared for it. But you have do what's best for you. Good luck sweetpea

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  2.   Ms..Lou says:
    Posted: 06 Oct 17

    Sweetheart I will tell you that yes, black ppl can be as racist as the next person. As a black woman I can sincerely understand her perspective. Yet it doesn't give her or anyone else for that matter to "beat you over the head" with their beliefs. She is giving black women a bad name and is no better than Donald Trump with or any other racist!

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  3.   Hotpocket1 says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 17

    Rude is rude no matter what your race is. SAve yourself and let this woman go. She's probably not ready for any relationship much less an interracial one. If you're on the fence because she's hot then you need to get your priorities in order. Get out!

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  4.   Ashjack says:
    Posted: 18 Sep 17

    It definitely seems like she's not ready to be in a interracial relationship BUT, if you guys feel strongly about each other then talk it out ! She should be able to sit down, listen, and be understanding , and vise versa . Black people in general go through a lot but that doesn't give her the right to take it out on you . You deserve better !

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  5.   jaggers1 says:
    Posted: 10 Aug 17

    I would let her go nicely , it doesn't sound like age is ready or open enough to be in an interracial relationship. Relationships are hard enough and those being interracial are even tougher but there is no reason she should make you feel bad just because the color of your skin. There are plenty of women out here who will treat you right.

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  6. Posted: 20 Jul 17

    It sounds like she is not ready to be in an interracial relationship. I know that she would not condone you treating her that way. There are many wonderful BW out there that will give you the love and respect that you desire.

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  7.   metoo6 says:
    Posted: 20 Jul 17

    I have had a few interracial relationships, but most of the white men that I have been with understood the struggle that black people have been through and that are going through so they were knowledgeable of the black man's history. With that being said I saw him as a man and my lover not my oppressor, when everything in your conversation is about black and white then you don't need to be in an interracial relationship there's a time and place for everything!!!

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