Why Black Gay Men are Likely to Date Interracially

Posted by Sidney, 20 Mar

Interracial gay men dating

Race in the gay community is a complex issue.  Despite the fact that black gay men as a whole are constantly fighting for acceptance, visibility and equal rights, that struggle doesn’t stop them from writing “no chocolate” on their Grindr and Scruff profiles. gay black people and especially interracial gay black men find themselves in an especially complicated place.  When they cross over to “the other side” and date outside of their race like gay white men, they find themselves vilified by other gay black men while tripping through a minefield of cultural differences.  At times, it can seem so difficult that it’s not worth the trouble.  Yet roughly a third of all gay male relationships are gay interracial couple relationships (according to a 2015 article in The Guardian).  For some reason, gay black men keep ending up with men who aren’t black. Why? What could be the reason that black gay male end up to date white gay men instead of black people?

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There are some superficial reasons.  The G-List Society took the liberty of breaking down the types of men who end up as one-half of an interracial pair.  Among them, the article reasoned that these black men were searching for a come-up, distancing themselves from other same-gender dating black males to fit in with a different social circle or came from an upbringing with very few people of color.  While this article might be on to something, the reasoning is deeper.

Black gay men dating white gay men – Burying the past

When we think about the black communities, there’s a deep sense of homophobia that’s rooted in a Christian foundation. The 2015 documentary Holler If Your Hear Me explored this conflict in depth.  Many young black gay men grow up as outcasts in their own neighborhoods or households because they have some “sugar in the tank”.  This had led to a culture of “down low brothers” who only accept their true selves in the dark.  Subconsciously, gay black men associate this homophobia with all black people.  Dating another black man is a reminder of that past.  Dating white people or Hispanic man offers an opportunity to focus on the relationship without all the racial baggage.

For some black gay male, their involvement in interracial relationships is more about freedom.  By simply being gay, they’ve already abandoned the hypermasculine, alpha male expectations of the community.  If they’ve already shattered one of the biggest taboos, why not keep going?  Why not further crack that pink ceiling?  Making the decision to fully embrace their true sexuality is a freeing step—one that renders the opinions of others useless.  Dating a white man doesn’t seem so foreign when you make your own rules.

However, some black gay men might be victims of the pervading imagery in the black gay communities.  Whether it’s a flyer for a club, the cover of Attitude magazine or a new reality show on Logo, the public image of the gay community is almost always white (and ripped and shirtless).  When that’s what you see at every turn, you start to think that’s the only option.  That’s what you’re supposed to love or that’s who you’re supposed to date to be accepted.

Interracial gay dating for black gay men is about so much more than trying something new or expanding their view of the world.  It’s about reconciling their identities with the expectations of the black and gay communities.  It’s about forging their own paths.  It’s about eventually finding love beyond labels. What is your opinion on gay interracial dating?

3 responses to "Why Black Gay Men are Likely to Date Interracially"

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  1.   shyguy0077 says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 18

    Hiya, I don't think it is the "racial baggage" that black gay men carry as a burden whilst dating other black males. I think it is the stigma and homophobia as a whole, coupled with religious/cultural negative attitudes towards gay men. Therefore striving to date within you're own culture can be challenging, especially if close relatives may have conflicting views with you, with regards to sexual-orientation. Furthermore, deciding to date outside of your own-kind with other gay males, is an alleviation from being oppressed and marginalised by members of you're own culture because of the stereotypes, therefore you feel misunderstood and devalued. However, there has been successful gay marriages/relationships of black gay couples, especially in the U.S. In addition, white men are not superior over every race, and I will not date white males if they have that mentality, the end x

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  2. Posted: 10 Jul 18

    I grew up in a mostly white neighborhood when i was young. My best friends were white boys. Of course now i have a preference for white Men. I like color men but i can't seem to find the handsome ones i see in DC area in the Midwest. So i do what's natural and go after GWM's.

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  3.   UranianMan says:
    Posted: 11 Apr 18

    I'm not sure I agree with either the stats or the realities. I see the inter-ETHNIC dating more a factor of 1) geography 2), consciousness and self-esteem and other factors. I lived in San Francisco for 30 years. I DID date White men, certainly, but mostly because of the dearth of 1), emotionally mature, 2), appealing - to me, 3), AVAILABLE Black men. The men I knew who were also Black in SF were my buddies (and none of whom I was attracted to) and if I wanted to date other brothers. I had to go searching for them. The Castro was not the place to meet other Black men, and my business was located there. I DO agree with the internalized racism part. Many Black men seemed to feel they had not arrived if they did not have a White lover. but I also noticed that these guys were usually guys who did not like themselves. Not for reasons of race, but for reasons of poor childhood upbringing. Given my druthers, I'd rather be with a brother.

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